It seems like we just moved in, but I've been painting like a madwoman, and the girls have been painting their rooms like a couple of madwomen too... 

My goal is to get the major painting done first, and in there we did flip the couches into the correct rooms, but then we can start bringing in the smaller furniture and figure out what pieces we may need to find for the cottage. 

I always paint all of our homes, most people think the colors are too bright, but honestly, I'm painting over colors like grey, greenish grey, blueish grey.... come on. And I'm doing a lot of prep work this time, like caulking cracks and things I usually ignore. 

Emily's art space needed to be completely re-taped, so that's held up her second room longer than we wanted, but it should be done this week. Then she can move in there and unpack her art supplies. Mary's art room is ready to go. Each girl has their own bathroom and they are both seriously so cute! I'm super jealous, because our bathroom off of our bedroom is a tear-down. As soon as we can swing it, that room will get an overhaul! 

Enjoy the progress photos below, and some of the kitties. There's more to share, but I'll keep adding as I plug away at the to-do list. 
Peace. 
​

Yes, it's true. We are moving again! This will be move #13 in 27 years, but THIS TIME, it's MY idea, and that makes all the difference!! 

We started looking at homes for sale in the Rocky Mount, NC, area after Christmas. All four of us were checking out Realtor.com daily, comparing homes we looked at, thinking about how far the drive would be from there to anywhere... then we started looking, engaging our amazing Realtor, Crystal. And we started going to open houses, which was fun too. 

I really loved one house in particular, we visited many times, once with our agent, and as other homes came and went, we decided to put in an offer. But, between the strange behavior of the owners and their agent, the less-than-stellar inspections, and just general sketchiness of everything, we decided to pass, even though I really loved a lot about the house. During the whole process, I kept myself at 80% excited, because I just knew something was wrong. So, now we know why we weren't meant to buy that house... 

Because we found this one. This is my Forsythia Cottage!! 

Yes, slightly larger than a "cottage," at 3200sf, but, wait... it gets bigger! LOL (In my defense, the door IS painted TARDIS blue, and so it's no surprise that it's bigger on the inside, AM I RIGHT???)

Above the garage, is an 700sf unfinished bonus space! And so we are going to be finishing that with a guest room and bath, and then the rest will be the home of Forsythia Cottage Writing & Design!!! I CAN'T WAIT. 

When we visited the house the first time, it was the day after it went live online, and we were the first ones to see it. We were there for two hours and we made an offer. They accepted at 10:30 the next morning, Sunday. Boom. We close on April 18. 

We arrived before our Realtor that first day, but it was 2 p.m., so I knew the owner wasn't there and our Realtor was a minute away... I walked up the driveway, curious to see what was above the garage, because there'd been no photos of that space, and I knew there had to be something up there. This is what I saw! 

This meant the bonus room went across the ENTIRE three-car garage... omg... 
FOUR DORMERS?? 

Then, I peeked into the backyard, something that was also not included in the early photos online (this house was "coming soon" for four days starting March 11, which was my mother's birthday), and my heart stopped.

I walked up the path toward the back of the house as the entire yard came into view. I don't even know how to describe it except to say that I felt like I'd walked through a wormhole and come out in the Pacific Northwest! The home sits on an acre, so the backyard is HUGE, and it's entirely landscaped in these beautiful undulating gardens surrounding a grassy center. 

Pine trees way overhead, followed by holly trees all around... their little red berries adding color to the sky. Camellias, each a different color, were everywhere! Hydrangeas were just starting to kick out their leaves, and I can't WAIT to see what colors they are!!! Kerria japonica, crepe myrtles, and so many azaleas!!! They were all throughout the border gardens... and ferns and daffodils and wood hyacinth, hellebores, euphorbia, and a lovely little white Chinese fringe flower. (We went back a week later and even more plants were coming up!) 

I stood there, trying to take in the whole yard, and I just couldn't. I started walking around, just freaking out, and realized in the back corner there's a little woodland path leading to the far corner... so I'll even have a woodland path? OMG Back there I saw a concrete pad that looked like there was electricity to it... okay... but by this time, everyone was in the house yelling at me to get inside, but my Realtor came out onto the back deck, and I was like, "I'm done!!! This is it!!!!! Get out the paperwork!!!!" 

But, I went inside!!! Now, in the photos online, in addition to no photos of the bonus room, there were no photos of the backyard... and they also didn't include the money shot of the kitchen... so I was dying to see the entire kitchen.

I come in and turn the corner and see the kitchen and just scream. IT IS SO FREAKING HUGE AND GORGEOUS. OMFG!!!!!!!! So, at that point, I was done. Like, really done. I didn't need to see anything else!! haha 

And fast-forward, I learned this past weekend that they didn't include that shot of the kitchen or photos of the backyard on purpose... they wanted to bring those into the description when the house was truly available, but we got there first! 

So, in addition to all of those that convinced me already, is a formal dining room, two living rooms, an owner's suite on the bottom floor, laundry room, and then a staircase up to the bonus room... all on the first floor. The second floor has four rooms, one of which has its own full bath, and then there's another full bath in the hall, so each daughter gets two rooms and their own bathroom. Perfect. 

One of those rooms actually opens to a rudimentary staircase that goes up to a third-floor attic space that's not finished -- but it could be, and then another room opens to an unfinished storage area that leads to the bonus room above the garage (which means the bonus room has two exits, which is cool). 

Out back, I want to put a greenhouse on the concrete pad, and then I'll put in a fenced kitchen garden, and an aboveground saltwater pool. We don't want it to be too crowded in the backyard, but we're all pretty set on a pool, so somehow it will all fit and look awesome.

And I need to get my husband plenty of tools, because this time, I want my TARDIS tool shed. 

We did visit the house again for its inspections yesterday, and we already received the overall report back. She needs a little help in a few areas, but we'll fix all of that, except for what we will ask the owners to take care of. But, honestly, not much could pull me away from this house. 

When I'm there, I FEEL LIKE I am in Oregon. I feel like I'm in the Pacific Northwest. The backyard is LUSH and GREEN, and full of all of the plants I already love. The front yard is just as landscaped as the back, and has a curved driveway leading right up to the front door, just like Rosemary Hill -- just on a much smaller scale. 

Now we will have a home base for all of us so we can finally relax, settle in, and get on with our lives, and THAT is a freaking miracle. We have felt like we have been in limbo this entire past year. Like, the rug was ripped out from under us, we landed somewhere where nothing is familiar or normal, and we have no friends. 

So, we are moving to the much larger town with crazy things like Target and Books-A-Million and multiple coffee shops. Real food I can eat when I don't want to freaking make every single thing I eat, Office Depot, omg... REAL grocery stores... our new home is two minutes from a Harris Teeter. The first time I went in there, I nearly cried. I couldn't believe how clean it was and that the produce department was FULL. Joanns, Sam's Club, and some really good restaurants. 

Raleigh is also going to be only 45 minutes away, which is super awesome, because Raleigh has literally everything. I can get my business going, the girls can figure out what they want to do, and Charley can continue his job knowing his family isn't dying on the inside. 

After closing, we'll first paint bedrooms so those are ready for furniture. We will schedule the movers to move the large furniture, freezer, and the beds, plus whatever furniture doesn't fit in our trucks. We started filling a storage unit weeks ago that ended up only being 3 minutes from the new house, so that's awesome. I've been packing, and now the girls started packing, and Charley packed his extra things already and has been working on everything in the garage. 

We have a few weeks to get the rest of our things down there, and we're doing a lot to this house to get it ready to sell. Then, we close, paint, move, clean this house top to bottom, then it can go on the market. We secured a bridge loan in order to get us into the next house first, so we can empty this house, because there is no way I wanted to try and show a house with six cats and six cat pans. Nope. No way. LOL 

Then we will be in the new house, and this house will go to the next person, and everything will be groovy. 

They aren't native, but I will be adding a few forsythias to the front and backyard. Also, I didn't see any roses, so I need to ask about the deer population, because that is for sure just deer candy. I have one plant here I need to dig up and bring with, I hope it survived the winter. I brought it from Oregon! My moon flower.

Oh! And the neighbor next door has chickens! We heard them the first time, and then this time, we saw one pecking in their front yard! 

I feel like I'm starting to wake up, and that's also a good thing. I even bought an office chair for my soon-to-be office. Woo! Oh, until the bonus room is finished, I'll be using half of the front living room downstairs as my office. But, I will still need a chair! 

​Happy times!!! 

I can't wait to transform this room. We'll find a contractor and get started -- insulation everywhere, drywall, outlets and lights, new flooring.... and then we'll carve out a nice bedroom and stub out a bathroom at the one end, then any guests will have a nice, private spot. And I'll someday have a bathroom upstairs too. Maybe we will be able to get the bathroom done with the rest of the work... we'll see! 

​Thanks for reading!! 
Cynthia
Ready to start writing and making art every day! 

It's still in the 80s here at the end of October in eastern North Carolina, so on Saturday, husband suggested heading to Medoc Mountain, about 30 minutes south... elevation 325'? 375'? Anyway, not much. ha... But I thought, "Maybe there will be a view?? Maybe?"

No. No view... but the weather was great, 80 with a breeze... and the bugs weren't bad except at the "top." 

We have discovered that, along with soybeans, sweet potatoes, and tobacco (gross), we are surrounded by thousands of acres of cotton. We have never seen cotton growing, so when the countryside burst wide open in a storm of white over the last few weeks, it was magical and amazing and looked just like snow.

This field is behind my husband's office, and we've gone twice -- once to get the first photos at sunset, and then again a week later at sunrise when Jack Frost had come to town. The fields went from cotton bolls to snowballs. 

It has a very complicated history for sure, but we all still need cotton. Now machines run through the fields picking all of this pretty fluff and packing it tight in cubes and rolls to head to the factories where our pretty, pretty fabric is made. 

When I moved here, one of the things I wanted to do was see if I could keep a sourdough starter alive. I had no clue how to start one, but when I read that I could start my own instead of getting it from someone, I decided to try that. Well, it worked!!! 

It took 12 days of feeding and watching and checking on Betsy, over there on her little shelf in the living room, before I saw the bubbly action I needed to see to know she was alive, but I did it: 

I feel like I should be sharing the discard, but then I'd have to talk to local people! haha OMG 

This nightmare started almost seven months ago, and while things have evened out somewhat, this is just not okay. But, pushing forward anyway, focusing on the house, my business, and the kids and cats. They keep saying this stupid weather will actually cool off at some point, so maybe then we'll be able to go outside. I have no idea. 

When I drive anywhere here, I just pretend it's Oregon. Not any of our Douglas-fir trees in sight, but plenty of green to look at... just ignore the tobacco fields. Gross. When I look out my kitchen window into the neighbor's yard, I pretend I'm looking at England, because of their little wooden fence and shed that's adorable. Other than that, we're taking it one day at a time. 

We're going to Florida in September... I have a writing conference and Charley and the kids will get to relax and play on the beach and tootle around while I'm in workshops. It will be a nice break from Roanoke Rapids. 

Halifax is a tiny little town just south of Roanoke Rapids and apparently there was a lot of historicalness going down there in the past, but today we focused on, well, today. 

I had been through this town when I visited in May, so I knew there was an art studio, nice shop, and three restaurants, so today I took the girls to check it out and it was wonderful. Definitely something for the YAY side of the list. 

The next two days we have so many deliveries coming, we won't be able to go much of anywhere except the store for more ice cream and cream for our coffee. #Priorities

After eight days of driving (that's 8-9 hours of total travel time per day) with 2 daughters, 2 vehicles and 6 cats, we made it to our new house in Roanoke Rapids, North Carolina.

Writing that still doesn't make sense. There's a huge part of me that doesn't believe I live so far from the Pacific Northwest, the place that was my home for the past 38 years, the place where I met my husband and where we raised our girls. But here we are, sweating to death in a town that is nothing short of economically crippled, a dead downtown, and where you couldn't pay me to eat in 95% of the restaurants. 

Again, there are no craft stores, no book stores, no coffee shops except one Starbucks (where the tables are SO SMALL, they barely fit my stuff -- what happens when all three of us want to go out?), nothing cute, no cute shops, nothing. There's a Walmart. A Food Lion. And an Ollie's -- a discount store that is like a "discount everything" store. We did find three nice rugs there, so that's something.

So this entire experience is so depressing, such a step backward from my absolutely gorgeous homestead in Oregon with my valley views of the Umpqua Valley, my chickens, my bees, my deer, and even the wild turkeys (even though they loved to wake me up by dancing across the roof of my bedroom)... I really have nothing to say to those who keep telling me to look for the positive side of this except -- shut the fuck up. 

Our new house is in the prettiest neighborhood, with trees all around, that is true. Our view out of the front window is of the front acreage of the mansion across the street. Why on earth there's a mansion here in the middle of town sitting on a handful of acres, I will never know, but there it is. No one uses the front yard area, so I never see anyone there, so that's perfect. 

But other than that, I am not happy here. I don't know if I'll ever be happy here, especially since everything I had, everything I built and was working toward, was stolen from me by my husband's company's horrible decision to move him here. So, they won. I moved us here and he's here now. So, congratulations, my life was thrown in the trash because someone I don't know thought this was a great idea. It wasn't. 

So, I will never get back my Rosemary Hill. It's gone forever. I'll never have a lavender farm. I will never see my chickens, my outside cats, or my deer James again. Thanks again, you stupid, fucking annoying company. Here, I have nothing except my memories I packed in boxes again, that are now in transit across the country, due to arrive this coming Thursday or Friday, maybe Saturday, no one really knows. This is the 12th time I have moved this family, but this is the move I was against, am still against, and I will never forgive them for making this my reality. They are on my shitlist forever.

In spite of what was stolen from me, I still have plans -- first, I'll paint this house because the red and beige in here is not only ugly and boring, but it's just plain gross. We have to get a pool in the backyard somehow, but the more the days go by, the less I want to do anything outside at all. I've even seen nurseries, but I have no desire to do anything like gardening. I can't even look at pictures of other people's gardens, especially their lavender gardens. Thanks for that too, idiot company.

After the house is painted, I'm setting up our art room, and by then, I'll be ready to work. The art room will be organized and perfect for us to make whatever we want, the two front rooms will be transformed into the Limoncello Cafe and will be the perfect place to write and hang out... and if we need anything, well, there's always Amazon. 

I thought after being here, with the kids and the cats and everything, it would somehow be easier to be here, and maybe the tide would turn, but, no. I don't like it here. I hate the drives between here and anywhere. Long and boring, the view never changes, you have no idea where you are because there are no landmarks, whether the drive is 45 minutes or two hours or four hours.

The only part of North Carolina that appealed to me at all was the area around Asheville, because it had glorious air and mountains and millions of pointy conifer trees. I can't help but look at real estate for sale there. There are so many houses to choose from, plus vacant land ready for our home and tiny homes for the girls... the possibilities are in my reach, so now I will focus on making them happen, despite the annoying company and their endless bad decisions and lies that got us here. 

The house is nearly empty, and my husband has already flown to North Carolina to begin his new position. His first day was Monday and since then he's spent time finding places to eat, learning the new rhythm of the office there, and exploring our new "home." 

I am in Oregon, stuck in a house that is nearly empty, but a total mess. I have so much to do, but every day is an uphill battle. In typical fashion, I'm the one handling every aspect of our move, but this time it hurts so much more because I do not want to move. We close on our house there in 8 days and I still don't want to move there. This is not what I wanted. I'm literally making the best of it. I'm doing what I have to do in order to take care of my kids and keep food on their table. 

The garage has tons of stuff in it that I have to have hauled away as donations. I refuse to have another yard sale, so I'm just getting rid of it all. I can't go into the garden because all I feel is guilt -- I can't water easily because the pump isn't working (we were going to get it worked on in the spring, and here we are), but I can't stand to watch everything die. I have no idea when someone might move in, and will they water anything? Will they care about the garden? I have no idea. So, add the garden to everything else I'm abandoning here.

It is not in my nature to abandon anything. I'm the one who will buy the last beautiful blue mug on the shelf so the merchandisers resetting the store's kitchen section don't have to take it back because it hasn't sold yet. I still have that mug and I still love it. We have six cats now because when we visited the shelter, Teddy climbed into my arms and refused to let me put him down. I have friends who have left me behind for years, but if they come back, I am ready to listen to their tales and let them back in -- because there's always room for more love, more growth.

But now I'm abandoning everything I built here. I've thrown away all of my plans and notebooks and business cards. I've closed the website for Rosemary Hill Gardens, I'll never have a lavender farm, a cut flower garden, chickens, bees and their honey, none of it. It's all gone. 

Thinking about gardening in the new home just makes me angry. Why should I bother bringing home any plants, only to plant them and leave them in the future? How many gardens have I left behind at this point? What IS the point? What is the point of anything I did here? None of it makes sense. I'm 56 and starting over again. Why. 

So, after a really enlightening therapy session yesterday, some things have become incredibly clear. 
Nothing is permanent. And things could always be worse.
Give it to God -- whatever your idea of God is, just give it over.
Give it to the Universe. Give it to Sasquatch. Just give it. 
My animals will continue to live their lives, my plants will live -- or not. 
I can't change any of this. I can only focus on what I have control over -- my mind, my hands, and what I do with my time. 

Another thought -- I'm just bored with moving. I'm bored looking up places to go, places to eat and see when we get there. I just really don't care anymore. The town we're moving to is devoid of any good restaurants, and other than the discount-everything stores, there's a Walmart and a Starbucks. So I will be in our house unless I want to drive 90 minutes to the nearest decent large town. And I don't like large towns -- the traffic, not knowing where I'm going, and the bustle. Small towns are more appealing, but the small town we're moving to happens to be one that no one has invested in. Apparently, everyone who lives there also drives away to do anything normal. But I can't fix that. 

And I'm not going to open an actual coffee shop, or a bookstore, or anything like that. I'm not doing anything there that is permanent, because I'm only staying there long enough to build a nest egg that I'll use to get out of there. My husband's company says that might be in 3 years, 5 years, or whenever... bottom line, they have no idea. They don't know, so he doesn't know, which means I don't know when I might get my moving orders and can finally come back to the Pacific Northwest.

My future is wrapped up in the whims of a company I don't even work for. How on earth did this happen? Never in a million years did I think I would have to move to the middle of nowhere, North Carolina, so the whole thing is still blowing my brain up. The list of places I would rather live is extensive, but that doesn't matter, apparently, because I don't have the money to make any choice other than where his job takes us. 

I'm happy for him. It's a great job. They appreciate him, his work, and he's good at his job. But that doesn't negate the fact that my entire life, everything I love, everything I was working on, was literally thrown in the fucking garbage. 

One thing that came out of my therapy session yesterday was that I am not looking forward to meeting anyone there. Why? Because they're going to assume I want to be there, that it was my choice to move there, that there's something about where they live that sounded good to me and that's why I agreed to move there. Then I'll be faced with the problem of -- do I lie to them and tell them everything is just great? Or do I stand in my truth and tell the that no, I'm not happy with the move, I'm not "excited" and I'm literally making the best of it. Is it my job to make sure they have a good day while my life was just pitched in the trash so I could move there? That I traded everything ... EVERYTHING ... in exchange for room, board, and healthcare in a town that has nothing to offer me? 

Even writing this down, I realize the enormity of my loss doesn't translate to the page. It reads like I am complaining, but I'm just stating the facts -- I was tossed away, because I had no other choice but to go along with yet another move for his job. I am looking at starting over again, at the age of 56, and I'm just fucking DONE with that. Done. I want to have a home where I know that if I plant a blueberry bush, I'll actually be able to pick blueberries from that bush someday for my oatmeal.

I don't think that's too much to ask of the world. 

This week, by Wednesday or so, we will know when they are flying us to North Carolina. This trip is so that we can drive around and get a feel for the area, look at houses, towns, neighborhoods, all that.

​We might be flying commercial, but if there are enough people going, we will be able take the corporate jet. Yes, the corporate jet. This jet is new and can fly nonstop, as opposed to the other five that have to make a pit stop. ***eye roll***

They have jets...plural. Then they should be able to compensate me for what I am losing. I have no idea how I will hold my tongue four 5 hours.

​I am sick to my stomach every day, I cannot even look at photos from Rosemary Hill right now, I have not been up to the garden since hearing this news. I feel like I am betraying all of my plants and animals outside.... someone else will come in here and care for them? Really?

Nothing is set in stone. Maybe there will be some miracle that happens, I have no idea. I'm assuming they will end up buying our house, but I don't know if they do that anymore. So, then, what... I stay here in my packed-up house waiting for someone to buy it? For how long?

No one at my husband's company cares about me, or my plants, or my animals. They don't care about my new kitchen, about the solar system we installed, my plans....

So I will take care of my kids first, and figure out the rest later. I will be fine, but they owe me. They all owe me for giving up my world and trading it for an unknown one. Except that they don't care.